The Piece of Me That Is Now With You. Part 1 of 2

There are different segments of the grief inside of me. Different pieces that make up the whole. There is the missing you, the person you were, the love of my life. There is the loss of my role in our marriage, the destruction of my life as I knew it. Additionally, there are the wounds that came from tearing us apart.  I don't have my husband, my companion, my protector and my friend. I don't have the One near me that I love, hug and offer support. Together we made up the structure we called 'us'. Its like the roof of my home has been removed from the structure below. That roof that protected me from many of the elements of our life. My arms used to hold you, an extension of my heart. My Love, my companion, my friend I do miss you. Those arms feel oh so empty. Not only do I grieve the loss that I feel because you aren't here beside me each day.

I find that when you were taken, a piece of me went with you. You see, we were bonded together by God's hand into one flesh. When you were taken to Him, it created a huge gap in me. It is that missing piece that I am grieving about today. My purpose, my life there is an emptiness inside. It is a piece separate from the place where you were attached. It's the place that your person and your life was connected to mine. Today, my tears fall because of that hole that you left.  

The raindrops that fall outside of my window right now, mirror the raindrops that are falling inside me today. That piece of me that is missing and now is just a hole. I have activities and friends and pieces of life to build up once again. A life that is, on the surface, beginning to function again. However, I'm struggling to find purpose in my life here this day. As I look at myself, that hole seems to be difficult to fill.

I don't feel whole as I move myself forward. The activity and the friends and the usefulness that I experience, does not seem to touch that vacant piece inside my soul. It is that piece of me that you took with you when you went on your way, the piece that had your name attached and was the piece of me that fit into that piece of you. I wonder if its that hole that will never be filled or feel content? I'm guessing it will not. You hold the key that fits in that spot, and with you gone from me, the key is not here and therefore the keyhole remains empty.