My heart is broken and right now it feels like there is no cure. Like there is no way to mend the cracks that exist. There are times I just have to separate, to get away from it all. Its the only way to endure the pain, the sorrow, and the intensity of my grief. And so, I distract myself. I close off the hurt temporarily. It allows me to take a deep breath, to have the strength to turn back again and work through it all once again. It is a few days before my first Christmas with Buddy gone. It is understandably hard. It feels like the struggle has become more intense than it was just a few short weeks ago. It is the holiday season, of
that I am sure.
The goal for this day is to get out of bed, to try to figure out what I need to do for myself today. To be as safe and supported as I can be in the midst of it all this day. I may need to cry, I may need to be alone. Whatever I do, it will be a struggle, of that I can be sure. The goal is to put one foot in front of the other, find a safe place just to cry. To write and to eat and just to make it through.
There will be other days where it might be easier to get out of bed. Other days when I do not need those tears. But, today is not one of those days. Today is one of the harder ones.
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