Time for Regeneration

In the midst of grief, everything makes me tired.The circle of life starts in a low energy mode and goes from there. If the day is relatively smooth, the energy doesn't run out. But if there is any bump in the road, that is not the case. I find a shirt that still has his smell attached. That small little thing is like an arrow to my hears. I weep. The storm passes and then feel fatigue and need time to regenerate.
I feel the need to write, the process of emptying the "feeling bin" inside of me can be exhausting. Sometimes, the process brings up those tears. Those tears use what energy exists for the day. I feel the need for time to regenerate. Sometimes, there is a hurt, a frustration and because that "feelings bin" is never quite empty, the energy is used as the feelings overflow and my energy becomes drained once again. I feel the need to regenerate. I spend time with friends and have a good day, you know as good as days are right now. There is laughter and smiles, yet when I come home, there is exhaustion. I feel the need to regenerate.
A nap usually helps. But, I wonder what is up. It makes me wonder if one day soon, I will have a "normal" day and not have my fuel tank on empty again? Will I ever have a day of normal energy again? Will I get to a point that those moderate feelings just are and do not derail the day? Will there come a time when regeneration is not a daily thing? The questions are firm, then answers are few. I walk in this path, only observing what I am. Giving myself time and assurance of what I need. I just sometimes wish for an hour of "just normal" once again.