Dear Clerk,

The clerk smiles and asks, "How are you today?"  "Ok", I respond, not willing to say more. He tries to make my day better, "Just OK?" I smile and nod, I don't say more. "I guess that's better than So-so" he says with a smile. I know he's trying so hard to draw me out. I really don't want to go there with him, I really don't. Believe me dear clerk, the interaction will be more comfortable for both of us if I just smile and pretend.

If I tell you that my husband died just 4 short months ago, you will be uncomfortable, you might not know what to say. I have come into the store with the holiday happiness all around. I try to ignore it all. However, its hard. So, getting into this discussion with you that I'm really not even "ok" is probably more than you want to know, especially because I will probably cry. I'm just trying to make it through these days, doing my annual stuff. When really, on the inside, I don't really want to see the lights and the tinsel and the happiness. I just want to make it through this first of many holidays without him.

Please, dear clerk, don't ask me again. I don't want to make you feel badly for asking. There is a line of people behind me, I don't want to be sad and teary here in the store, I may not be able to control my tears today. Let's just go on and finish the transaction. We can finish this and I can walk away. You can go on without knowing my sorrow within. I just can't pretend too much right now, it hurts. Let me just go on with your smile and nod.

I appreciate what you are trying to do for me, I really do. You are just trying to make my shopping experience a good one. However, no matter what you say, no matter what I do, it won't be happy this year, maybe next. Maybe never. So, please, let's just finish this transaction, smile and move on. I will leave and keep you in the dark. I promise you it will be easier for both of us today. You will be none the wiser and I will not show my tears. Thank you for trying to make my experience better, for this year, it will be much better if I only say "thank you" and turn away.

Merry Christmas, dear clerk, please love those around you. Our time here is shorter than we want. I appreciate your kindness and the effort you showed. I'm sorry I was not in a position to join you making our transaction more joyful. I appreciate you kindness dear clerk. But for today, please know that although I didn't join you in a happy conversation, I do appreciate your motivation and kindness with me today.