There are times in each life that causes big changes. Milestones of sorts. The progression from one school to the next, choosing and moving into a college, marriage, having children, changing jobs (especially if it requires a big move as well). Becoming a grandparent....I am sure that I am missing some but each one of these brings excitement, fear and courage, big and small decisions. Big decisions that color the life one creates for himself or herself.
Because I was single into my 30's, I made many of these big decisions as a "grown up" by myself. I faced many changes before marriage. Going to college, moving to a new state (more than once), changing jobs. I was used to building a life and making these choices.
Today as a widow, I'm finding that some of these choices feel similar as they did in my younger years. I guess the big difference here is that there is no real excitement or joy in making these choices because of my return to singleness. The decisions are just made to the best of my ability. However, the act of making decisions on my own is not new really. They are decisions that I did not ask for, those that I did not choose. But, I am finding that the familiarity from my early years is helping me now.
I guess what I am saying is that although some of the choices before me are colored by the fact that for many years, we made choices together. Now that I am making new choices for myself again, the 'ruts' of commonness exist from before. There is some comfort in the familiar paths under the sadness of choosing alone again.
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