Darkness in the Valley

"Here we are in His presence, lifting holy hands to Him. Here we are praising Jesus, for the things He's brought us through." (Dallas Holm & Praise).

This was a song I knew way back in college. One that touched me deeply. Today, it is a hard verse to sing. There has been a lot of death around me in the past 10 months. Friends, loved ones, parents of friends. There has been so many close to me who have experienced the death of a loved one. Or many deaths of loved ones.

Grief can bring one to their knees. Multiple deaths even more so. We love so deeply and the separation from that one(s) we love simply rips us in pieces. How do we stand it? Why does this happen? Can I continue on? How do I continue on? Where is God in the midst of all of this pain?

I am reminded that He carries us through the Valley of Darkness when we are so broken that we cannot take those steps ourselves. He sits with us in the darkness, holding us while we weep. He stands with us when we shake our fists in anger and when we just don't feel that we can go on.

Agony and brokenness and darkness and pain. Through it all, He is there, holding us close while we experience the pain of death and the deep sorrow afterwards. He's just there, holding us tight. Because the pain is so great, nothing else matters. But, as the sorrow and the wounds become scars, He touches us one day at a time. At first,  He leads us to quiet waters. For some, it takes months, for others it takes years. But, He is there day by day for as long as it takes. Not right away, not in a week. But, one day, there is a voice and a hand providing guidance through the valley. And as we continue on, and question it all, a voice inside begins to speak. 

The path to wholeness is not straight forward, it is not without set backs. And wholeness is not the 'same' as before. The hole becomes scar tissue....it never goes back to "normal". The path is convoluted and some days, not worth the pain. There is an emptiness that feels so very alone in our grief. There may be many people all around but it doesn't change the emptiness or loneliness caused by the hole that cannot be filled.