Buckets of Love in the Field of Life

Buckets of love and friendship are sitting around in the field of my life. There are many that are full, even to overflowing.There is one bucket however that remains conspicuously unfilled. This bucket holds only memories of what was before. Nothing new has been added in the many months he's been gone. The items in this bucket are precious to me; I take out the memories and talk about them. I hold tight to the love that we shared because it is what I have left of that life, that love, that amazing man.

Sadly, the fullness of the other buckets do not affect the fullness of this bucket. They may have many current additions and new memories. Friends have added much to these buckets, the ones labeled friends. However, the bucket labeled Buddy sits alone and unchanged all these months later.

As I walk this new life, I assume that there might be a new bucket in my future, one that would hold memories from a new companion, a new love, a new special one in my life. However, I wonder if even then, his bucket would not have the ability to change the emptiness of the bucket marked Buddy. It seems like that bucket will remain forever the way it is now. Full of past memories, but with nothing new added. Newly filled only with the tears of my sorrow and pain.

It makes sense to me that as much as I might want to rush out and try to fill this special bucket again: trying to fill it with activity, with love, with friends or destructive activities. The truth is that this bucket will always remain a Tribute to the one who came first, the one who was my first love, the man who God used to make me whole.

Other buckets can be filled providing kindness and love. There may be another in the future whose bucket can be mine. However, this bucket labeled Buddy, his bucket can't be changed. It is his bucket and his alone. One I can come back to and hold tightly. But, his bucket will always remain in the condition it was just before he left. There is nothing I can do to make his bucket full of new and happy memories again.