"What Drives You?"

An insightful friend asked me this question the other night as I talked a little bit about the choices I have made toward my grief and healing. The question has come back to me. What has driven me towards my healing choices?

As I think about it, the real answer is that I am driven to care for myself as I grieve. To acknowledge my pain. To support myself through the healing process. My question from the beginning has been "What do I feel that I need?" I have done whatever that was. I did not allow myself to feel guilt or self centered, I did those things.

What makes these thoughts and drives interesting is that my overall feeling throughout these days has been that I am really not happy to still be here. I would really rather not have a purpose on earth. I would really rather just get it over with so that I can be with my husband again. So these intensely painful feelings seem directly opposed to the choices I have made to caring for myself over these months.

My question today for those of you grieving and even those that are not, "What drives you?" Are you striving to heal your grief? They are little baby steps whenever you are able that move you in the right direction. Are you caring for yourself? Or are your choices causing more pain and destruction in your life?

My challenge to you today is to take little steps in the path toward health and healing. Is it to see a counselor? Do it. Is it to take time out for yourself? Do it. Maybe it is to ask the question "What do I need?" Follow your heart and choose to love yourself. The biblical references are many: 1 Corinthians 6:19-Your body is the temple of the holy spirit. Ephesians 5:25- Christ loved the church (us) so much that He gave himself up for her. My personal favorite is this: Matthew 7:6- Do not throw your pearls before the swine.