The Mountain, The Energy, The Accomplishments

There is a mountain of belongings that each contain a cup of sadness sitting in my home. Things that create a wall of exhaustion just thinking about trying to tackle even just one box, one drawer, or one shelf. I have been wondering where the energy would come from to start this massive and painful project. So far, I have not yet gone through one box. 

However, the desire to have a room organized for myself became a strong enough desire to overcome the exhaustion. It is a step to reclaiming my home, one step towards addressing the mountain. I have cleaned the carpet, rearranged furniture and have a room that now belongs to me again. A room where the memories are less intense. Not yet a room that I love, but one where I have put some of that energy toward myself instead of my sorrow.

I hope that this step will provide the energy to follow the next project, reclaiming the next room. And then, the next. One day, I may be able to address the mountain, for just moving some of the boxes bring the sorrow to the front. So for now, the rest of his clothes, the mountain and the rest will have to wait until I have the energy to face them. For this day, this week and this time, I have made a step in the direction, funneling energy into myself here at home. It has been a day long coming, a day I can be thankful for and a day that was spent trying to make sense of it all again.