I look back on the whole of last year. I see that I have fought to climb out of a hole and often slid back. There has been enlightenment and sorrow; rebuilding and uncertainty. I have walked a path that is as individual as each person facing it in their own life.
I have been called courageous and vulnerable. I have felt weak and strong. I have cried rivers and been angry through the dark path. I still wonder where "normal" is in the midst of it all. I feel that I have accomplished much but it appears that much is left undone.
The previous life that I loved no longer exists. Building a new life with choices I was not prepared to make. It is difficult to move into this new life when I want the one that I had before. It appears that with the new year ahead of me I will examine the options and build the best way I can. In many ways I feel stretched and uncertain as to what is the right path
The biggest question before me is: how do I function with this ongoing grief as a part of me? I have been torn from my best friend and the one I love. Now I walk forward and become someone new. My life was taken, shredded and no longer exists. The path before me is to rebuild. My other choice was to stay in the muck. For me, that was never a good choice. I was called forth through the valley of darkness and into the Light.
The darkness is not erased and the light not fully bright. However, the path is not as dark as it was a year ago. My intentional choices this past year have built strength. Sorrow and grief consume a smaller space each day than before. But there still remains much confusion and uncertainty as to the steps to accomplish rebuilding process. It is trying to make sense of the puzzle pieces that appear to be strewn all around.
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