Grief is not simply the loss of a person or a relationship. There are many different pieces to grief that one faces, weeps over and then tries to rebuild from the shattered life. It includes the interactions, the laughter, the outings, the arguments, the touch, the sorrow, the dreams and so much more. Each of these represents a facet of the life I no longer enjoy.
It is the mundane things. What should we eat for dinner? We discussed this every afternoon as he would drive home from work. Each day, every single week day. It was in some ways, our little joke. The decision that I would not make by myself. He awaited the question every day. Now the conversation does not happen, the joke is no longer present. And, I, by myself am reminded every day that he is not here to decide what to make for dinner. Every day, I have do decide what to eat by myself, remembering. It seems like a silly thing to be saddened by. But, life is made up of many little pieces, mostly mundane things becoming a facet of the life we shared.
It is the little pieces that made up our life together, that are now in a pile on the floor. Somehow, those pieces need to fit into the landscape of my life again. Only now, they will be memories of a past lifetime of love and friendship. Somehow, the mended scraps of my life will become whole again.
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