Not Staying Stuck

I read a blog last week that has caused me to think about a couple of things. The first is that when there is grief from the death of a loved one, there are several choices one can make. Avoidance of the pain is one choice. Getting stuck in the sorrow or in the anger is another. All of these are valid choices, but in order to be healthy and resolve the grief, at some point, one needs to come to the place where they face the grief and walk through the darkness to get to the other side.

Hear me out. I know that during the painful path of grief, there is a time to shut down and avoid the intensity of the pain. There is a place where anger exists. Both of these are necessary places to be for a period of time during the resolution of grief. I am more talking about folks who stay in these places of unhealthiness. The choice to mend our sorrows is the healthy choice.

As an example, many years ago, I experienced anger (ongoing, unresolved anger) at the loss of a career. I spent years and years being angry and blaming others. Today, I can look back at the situation and see the issues that belonged to me and those that did not. I can see the weaknesses of others that affected the decisions that were made. Sadly, I can also look back on the anger that consumed me over the situation and the energy it consumed year after year. I believe that in the long run, I could have made the choice to resolve anger more quickly, put the situation behind me more quickly and expended much less energy. The choices I made were related to my coping skills at the time. However, I wonder if there would have been so much less angst had I been able to move ahead more quickly. How much different would my day to day happiness been if I had done so? In the end, hind sight is always 20/20. As I think about my grief today however, there are lessons to be brought to the forefront.

Losing a loved one is SO much bigger than my loss of career. However, the path through the anger is similar. The path through to acceptance is there as well. I fully understand that this is not easy or a happy time. But, caring for one's emotional health is valuable and important. Avoidance of the pain and shutting down will often bring heart ache, pain and maybe illness.