Choosing to Walk Forward Through the Many Layers

After the death of a spouse, there is a choice to be made. The choice is to walk forward or to stay still. From the outset, my choice has been to walk forward To some, it may not look like it. Probably because there were oceans of difficult emotions to work through. I may have 'looked' like I was standing still, but I was not. Each day, I chose to walk through and work through the grief, resolving each sorrow. It takes time, energy, extra sleep. On the surface, it may have looked like I was giving up and giving in. Some days, were days of rest and recuperation. Other days were climbing the mountain, working through the valley. And following God's direction.

Know this if you have a grieving friend that the path is not straight. It is sometimes circular and repetitious. It requires moving forward. It requires rest. It requires tears and anger and pain. It is a long path, not one easily accomplished. The layers of pain are many and each one has to be explored and resolved and put to rest. Think of the many layers of an onion or artichoke. Walking this path is hard work. Know this: it takes courage and strength to face it each day and be able to bring the torn edges of life close together to be stitched and mended. It requires courage and energy to accomplish this goal. Big emotion does not mean that someone is "giving up" and "staying stuck". Big emotion often means that a new layer of sorrow has been discovered and will take time to work through.

Now that it has been awhile....18 months to be exact, it might look like I am walking forward more easily. However, just because I'm able to 'choose' to make decisions that are good for me doesn't mean that underneath it all, I do not struggle new layers of sorrow that knock me flat. It does not mean that decisions are 'easier' or 'less traumatic'. And, it does not mean that my walk through grief is any less of a choice than during those early days of widowhood. The path is the same. The layer may be different. But, the choice to move on and be courageous is still the same.